Sorting.
I had brunch with a friend from graduate school this morning. It was sad because we are both in a [throws up hands in the air and sighs dramatically] moment of our lives, trying to do the best we can, but it was really nice to know that I'm not the only one here.
I have picked out my 5 jobs for today and I'm excited to apply for them. Also, Mad (Collin's stepmom) is coming into town so I have a dinner date! Nice. :-)
I still have that sorting to do though. For a concept so simple, sorting is incredibly intense and important.
Also, there is loud noise outside and it is coming from a big orange truck parked in my parking place. Grr. But what a lovely day. :-)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Day Twenty-Six: Step Right Up!
Can't believe it's before 9 and I've already made brunch plans and arranged for a buyer to pick up three bookshelves. This day is starting out very productively. :-)
I'm going to do a pictorial later. Get ready to see some jaw-dropping progress in progress!!
I'm going to do a pictorial later. Get ready to see some jaw-dropping progress in progress!!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Day Twenty-Five: Heck Yeah, Buddy!
1) Well, I applied for two jobs at Berkeley that both look AWESOME. Like, I could do them, and I would love to do them. Those are jobs I would look forward to every day. :-) It's not 5 jobs, but it's something, and I'm happy about it.
2) The kitchen is still unclean.
3) So is the bathroom.
4) Collin and I finally had our "come-to-jesus" talk about our relationship. I feel much better about it actually. It's been really hard getting advice from people that doesn't jive with how our relationship works. We have a special bond, and it's difficult to understand. He's dating someone else, and now I know who it is, and I feel better about it, actually. I don't know why. But I do. I have too much to worry about anyway. Oh, and I bought a ticket to go visit again. This will be interesting. I had to schedule it around his new love interest's availability. Yes. Interesting.
5) I took another entire car load to the Salvation Army (SCORE) and put all my stuff up for sale. So far I've sold three bookshelves and my DVD player. It's a start.
6) I might not get to yoga today. Or maybe I'll do some yoga before bed.
2) The kitchen is still unclean.
3) So is the bathroom.
4) Collin and I finally had our "come-to-jesus" talk about our relationship. I feel much better about it actually. It's been really hard getting advice from people that doesn't jive with how our relationship works. We have a special bond, and it's difficult to understand. He's dating someone else, and now I know who it is, and I feel better about it, actually. I don't know why. But I do. I have too much to worry about anyway. Oh, and I bought a ticket to go visit again. This will be interesting. I had to schedule it around his new love interest's availability. Yes. Interesting.
5) I took another entire car load to the Salvation Army (SCORE) and put all my stuff up for sale. So far I've sold three bookshelves and my DVD player. It's a start.
6) I might not get to yoga today. Or maybe I'll do some yoga before bed.
Day Twenty-Five: Update.
Wanted to do a midday update to keep me on my toes.
1) I have not applied for any jobs yet. I have relegated that odious task for when the beautiful sun sets behind Atlanta's beautiful skyline. I have, however, looked at the employment website at UC Berkeley and apartments around that area. They are much more affordable. Berkeley or Oakland might be a good place to start/stay/finish.
2) I have taken out my trash and recyclables, and I washed my dishes yesterday. I still have not "cleaned" my kitchen though.
3) I have not cleaned my bathroom, but I did go buy toilet paper and take a shower!
4) I cancelled with Collin's mother and sister-in-law. Too raw.
5) I bought trash bags AND filled four of them with stuffs. Then I took the bags along with some non-bagables to the Salvation Army! I've almost got the furniture I'm going to sell on Craig's List dug out enough to sell!
6) I have not yet done yoga.
Well, it's a good start! Another thing I'm worrying about now is the car. My mom advised me not to worry about all the things that I have to worry about, especially not at once. Just figure them out when they get here. I think if I had one thing settled, though, I'd feel a lot better. I just keep looking for things to get settled, and nothing ever does. Ack.
1) I have not applied for any jobs yet. I have relegated that odious task for when the beautiful sun sets behind Atlanta's beautiful skyline. I have, however, looked at the employment website at UC Berkeley and apartments around that area. They are much more affordable. Berkeley or Oakland might be a good place to start/stay/finish.
2) I have taken out my trash and recyclables, and I washed my dishes yesterday. I still have not "cleaned" my kitchen though.
3) I have not cleaned my bathroom, but I did go buy toilet paper and take a shower!
4) I cancelled with Collin's mother and sister-in-law. Too raw.
5) I bought trash bags AND filled four of them with stuffs. Then I took the bags along with some non-bagables to the Salvation Army! I've almost got the furniture I'm going to sell on Craig's List dug out enough to sell!
6) I have not yet done yoga.
Well, it's a good start! Another thing I'm worrying about now is the car. My mom advised me not to worry about all the things that I have to worry about, especially not at once. Just figure them out when they get here. I think if I had one thing settled, though, I'd feel a lot better. I just keep looking for things to get settled, and nothing ever does. Ack.
Day Twenty-Five: Alive.
Well, I'm just going to be upfront about it. I heard from Collin and we decided to try to be friends but in our Skype call last night he told me he's already started seeing other people. I feel like I've been gut-shot.
But this isn't about Collin, this is about me. I must maintain focus on my own journey.
So today I have an agenda.
1) I will apply for at least 5 jobs.
2) I will clean my kitchen.
3) I will clean my bathroom.
4) I will go to birthday tea with Collin's mother and sister-in-law (yes, it will be awkward), and I will try not to be a basketcase.
5) At this point I have so much stuff quarantined to be taken to the Salvation Army that I'm thinking of calling a truck. However, if I can get to the store and buy some garbage bags I might be able to take a load over there this afternoon.
Whoa! I better get started.
6) I better add yoga to the list.
I haven't heard back from the acupuncturist, which I think is odd. Must remember to call him Monday or call someone else. I'm needing some needling.
But this isn't about Collin, this is about me. I must maintain focus on my own journey.
So today I have an agenda.
1) I will apply for at least 5 jobs.
2) I will clean my kitchen.
3) I will clean my bathroom.
4) I will go to birthday tea with Collin's mother and sister-in-law (yes, it will be awkward), and I will try not to be a basketcase.
5) At this point I have so much stuff quarantined to be taken to the Salvation Army that I'm thinking of calling a truck. However, if I can get to the store and buy some garbage bags I might be able to take a load over there this afternoon.
Whoa! I better get started.
6) I better add yoga to the list.
I haven't heard back from the acupuncturist, which I think is odd. Must remember to call him Monday or call someone else. I'm needing some needling.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Day Twenty-Four: Already.
Yikes. Time moves like the dickens! Or, the Dickens. I don't know.
I can't believe it's been almost a month. Let me see what I've done.
1) I've lost six pounds. Excellent.
2) I've sorted through a bunch of junk, but I haven't taken the donations to the Salvation Army or put the sellables on Craig's List. Oh well.
3) I've gone to visit SF for the first time and fallen in love with it.
4) I've done my taxes (it is incredible to me that I've done my taxes before March this year. This is the first time I've done them before April, as far as I recall). Awesome.
5) I've really gotten my website into good shape I think.
6) I've applied for probably 20 jobs, most of those in the last 6 days, actually. I've also sent emails to several contacts I have and gotten promising leads from at least one of them.
7) I've gotten closer to Collin's family although he's gotten further (and farther) away from me (yes, it's weird).
I'm excited to see what's in store for me in the near future. I'm really impatient to get to SF but I think I'm doing ok with the process so far.
I did send in my rent check today for March and think I should tell my landlord I'm moving... But when am I moving? Who knows. I'm amazed at how well I'm dealing with all this uncertainty.
Wow, you might be saying, because you're not dealing with it well at all. Exactly. What if I hadn't been dealing with it "well" then?
Our volunteer at work (we often work together, just me and her, since she often comes in when no one else is there) told me she was worried about me today, and then she gave me a really solid hug.
I'll be ok.
I can't believe it's been almost a month. Let me see what I've done.
1) I've lost six pounds. Excellent.
2) I've sorted through a bunch of junk, but I haven't taken the donations to the Salvation Army or put the sellables on Craig's List. Oh well.
3) I've gone to visit SF for the first time and fallen in love with it.
4) I've done my taxes (it is incredible to me that I've done my taxes before March this year. This is the first time I've done them before April, as far as I recall). Awesome.
5) I've really gotten my website into good shape I think.
6) I've applied for probably 20 jobs, most of those in the last 6 days, actually. I've also sent emails to several contacts I have and gotten promising leads from at least one of them.
7) I've gotten closer to Collin's family although he's gotten further (and farther) away from me (yes, it's weird).
I'm excited to see what's in store for me in the near future. I'm really impatient to get to SF but I think I'm doing ok with the process so far.
I did send in my rent check today for March and think I should tell my landlord I'm moving... But when am I moving? Who knows. I'm amazed at how well I'm dealing with all this uncertainty.
Wow, you might be saying, because you're not dealing with it well at all. Exactly. What if I hadn't been dealing with it "well" then?
Our volunteer at work (we often work together, just me and her, since she often comes in when no one else is there) told me she was worried about me today, and then she gave me a really solid hug.
I'll be ok.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Day Twenty-Three: TGIT.
I decided to take the night off from job applications after staying until 7:30 at work. I attended a very nice event sponsored by the Emory Center for Women, and was able to reconnect with several people I hadn't seen in some time. I'm beat though, and ready for bed.
I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. It's times like these when I wish I had a wife to encourage me and do my laundry. Speaking of gender, I'm watching Victor/Victoria right now. Very interesting. But not really enjoyable. I'll probably quit watching it soon. I mean seriously, Julie Andrews as a man? Not at all. Maybe I've just been to too many drag shows to be fooled by this nonsense.
I do have (what I think is) a really important question, though:
To what extent must someone stop seeing the family of an ex when his family is awesome? I only dated Collin for a few months, but long enough to develop relationships with his family. And why should we be forced to break up, too? You know? Especially when they are all here and he is thousands of miles away? I'm really dealing with this now. Help.
I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. It's times like these when I wish I had a wife to encourage me and do my laundry. Speaking of gender, I'm watching Victor/Victoria right now. Very interesting. But not really enjoyable. I'll probably quit watching it soon. I mean seriously, Julie Andrews as a man? Not at all. Maybe I've just been to too many drag shows to be fooled by this nonsense.
I do have (what I think is) a really important question, though:
To what extent must someone stop seeing the family of an ex when his family is awesome? I only dated Collin for a few months, but long enough to develop relationships with his family. And why should we be forced to break up, too? You know? Especially when they are all here and he is thousands of miles away? I'm really dealing with this now. Help.
Day Twenty-Three: Sort of.
This morning I woke up at 3:30 am and haven't been able to go back to sleep. This is highly annoying since I actually have to stay late at work today so I don't have to go in until 10:30. So basically, I have the equivalent of almost an entire workday to stress about the move. On the other hand, I currently have 13 tabs open in my browser which each reflect a job opportunity I've found in the past hour. And since finding a job is a full-time job, I figure I'm only now starting to put in the appropriate amount of work. It's really overwhelming to think about all these jobs. I am very bad at failure.
So getting back to my own problems, I am just overwhelmed at all the failure I'm signing myself up for, which is actually very exciting for me, since this will really be the first time I've gone "all in," so to speak, with my career. I'm feeling enthusiastic and terrified. It's a weird combination. I just hope I'm not getting an ulcer (although I think that's probably in vain).
In other news, I've been sad this morning about Collin. Not about the break-up, because Lord knows if he wants out of the relationship, I want him out, too. I just really miss him. Looking back on our short, sweet relationship, I realize that it was actually my first *adult* relationship in many ways. It was a relationship I wanted, pursued, nurtured, and worked to maintain. It feels nice to know I can do it.
What I find endlessly entertaining and heartbreaking is that several times he has told me that he wants to be in a relationship with the Charity I was before. Leaving aside my confused observation that I am actually the same person, I can't help but think that's strange and very sad, since at the time we were together before, I was emotionally closed as tightly as a fist around the blind love I had for two unattainable people (one emotionally dead, the other physically dead), and (probably as a result) abusing drugs and alcohol and in all honesty, dead-end relationships.
I'm 100% sure I'd rather be the Charity I am today. But I still miss Collin.
Side note:
I heard an interesting talk the other day, actually, about modern students. This generation of college students (particularly at Emory, but I'm sure it's reflected other places as well) has been raised by parents who see as their parenting goals:
1) to structure their children's lives excessively to prepare them for college (leaving them unable to structure their own lives during and afterwards),
2) to protect their children from failure and any negative consequences of their actions, and
3) to be their children's best friends.
As a "childless" woman, of course, I would never *dare* to criticize anyone else's childrearing choices, but this seems shortsighted to me.
So getting back to my own problems, I am just overwhelmed at all the failure I'm signing myself up for, which is actually very exciting for me, since this will really be the first time I've gone "all in," so to speak, with my career. I'm feeling enthusiastic and terrified. It's a weird combination. I just hope I'm not getting an ulcer (although I think that's probably in vain).
In other news, I've been sad this morning about Collin. Not about the break-up, because Lord knows if he wants out of the relationship, I want him out, too. I just really miss him. Looking back on our short, sweet relationship, I realize that it was actually my first *adult* relationship in many ways. It was a relationship I wanted, pursued, nurtured, and worked to maintain. It feels nice to know I can do it.
What I find endlessly entertaining and heartbreaking is that several times he has told me that he wants to be in a relationship with the Charity I was before. Leaving aside my confused observation that I am actually the same person, I can't help but think that's strange and very sad, since at the time we were together before, I was emotionally closed as tightly as a fist around the blind love I had for two unattainable people (one emotionally dead, the other physically dead), and (probably as a result) abusing drugs and alcohol and in all honesty, dead-end relationships.
I'm 100% sure I'd rather be the Charity I am today. But I still miss Collin.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Day Twenty-Two: Feeling Groovy!
I've gotten lots of advice today about my job hunt. This has been very exciting. The bad news is that I really do need to update my resume (and tailor the resume to EACH JOB I apply for, which will not be quick or easy). The good news is that my supervisor is giving me a letter of recommendation to include with all my applications!
I have seven more jobs to apply for tonight, in addition to re-applying for five jobs that I really want, and where the HR person gave me some of that very valuable advice (see above). I'm so glad I called her, because she was very pleasant and helpful and my applications are going to be way stronger now.
This will be so much better than cleaning tonight. :-)
Ooh! And I made an appointment to see an acupuncturist. Next week is going to be GLORIOUS!
I have seven more jobs to apply for tonight, in addition to re-applying for five jobs that I really want, and where the HR person gave me some of that very valuable advice (see above). I'm so glad I called her, because she was very pleasant and helpful and my applications are going to be way stronger now.
This will be so much better than cleaning tonight. :-)
Ooh! And I made an appointment to see an acupuncturist. Next week is going to be GLORIOUS!
Day Twenty-Two: That Was Easy.
Well, I didn't get a job (yet) but I did finally wake up early enough to start my day with yoga! I feel ok -- I think it will take a while before it makes me feel great again. For now, I'm complainy and sore. But the immediate payoff was that I got to spend time with my cats, take a long luxurious shower, and I was actually on time for work. Not too shabby start to a day!
Of course, the reason I woke up in time to do all that was because I was having really gross and really frustrating and awful anxiety dreams, but c'est la vie. I think I had too much honey badger before bed...
Oh and by the way, I've lost 5 pounds! :-)
I spoke with Mom and Daddy last night on the phone about all the craziness in my life and they were very supportive and encouraging. I have so many wonderful people in my life. I'm really lucky. Even my brother checked in with me over email, despite having a brand new little baby at home.
Oh! And I did my taxes and will get a $600 refund! I'm considering a) buying a camera, or b) getting a bunch of acupuncture. My chi is all out of whack and I think both things would help tremendously with that. Maybe I'll buy a used camera and spring for 1 or 2 sessions of acupuncture. Sweet relief. Oooh, and a massage!
Things are looking up!
(I just got another job-rejection email by the way. But that's ok.)
Of course, the reason I woke up in time to do all that was because I was having really gross and really frustrating and awful anxiety dreams, but c'est la vie. I think I had too much honey badger before bed...
Oh and by the way, I've lost 5 pounds! :-)
I spoke with Mom and Daddy last night on the phone about all the craziness in my life and they were very supportive and encouraging. I have so many wonderful people in my life. I'm really lucky. Even my brother checked in with me over email, despite having a brand new little baby at home.
Oh! And I did my taxes and will get a $600 refund! I'm considering a) buying a camera, or b) getting a bunch of acupuncture. My chi is all out of whack and I think both things would help tremendously with that. Maybe I'll buy a used camera and spring for 1 or 2 sessions of acupuncture. Sweet relief. Oooh, and a massage!
Things are looking up!
(I just got another job-rejection email by the way. But that's ok.)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day Twenty-One: In Recovery.
I received my first job rejection email from San Francisco today. I didn't want the job, actually, so I'm trying not to "catastrophize" (which is therapy speak for "blow things out of proportion").
My fortune from Doc Chey's today was "You have to work for what you want." Randy Pausch said in his last lecture that "the brick wall is only there to make you prove how much you want what's on the other side."
I think I'm ok, because I really want what's on the other side of this wall: a true room of my own, in the Virginia Woolf sense of the phrase.
In similar news, I updated my SmugMug site! I'm trying out the SmugMug Pro account and I think I might keep it. I really like my site. I especially like the way my blog, webpage, and SmugMug site complement each other.
My fortune from Doc Chey's today was "You have to work for what you want." Randy Pausch said in his last lecture that "the brick wall is only there to make you prove how much you want what's on the other side."
I think I'm ok, because I really want what's on the other side of this wall: a true room of my own, in the Virginia Woolf sense of the phrase.
No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself. (Virginia Woolf)
In similar news, I updated my SmugMug site! I'm trying out the SmugMug Pro account and I think I might keep it. I really like my site. I especially like the way my blog, webpage, and SmugMug site complement each other.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Day Twenty: Postscript/Northern Lands
I love this song so much. I often think about it. I sang it once in high school and it's just so beautiful.
Thank goodness for YouTube!
Thank goodness for YouTube!
Day Twenty: Are You There God? It's Me, Charity.
The good news is that I got my medicine finally.
The bad news is that it cost $81.
The meh news is that I was able to use my HSA funds, so at least my checking account remains unmolested one more day.
The great news is that I have a really good chance of not crying myself to sleep for at least another month. :-)
The different and fabulous news is that I am feeling much more optimistic today. Yesterday I applied for 9 jobs, I ate relatively well (the pizza I ate half of was actually a small pizza, so it's not all that bad), I only drank one beer, and I got a lot of sorting-of-junk done. I also had lunch with a dear friend and I spoke on the phone for 45 minutes with another dear friend. If I can make that much progress, even every other day, I think I'm well on my way to my very own SF life. Regardless of how many more Eeyore/Coldplay days I have.
The bad news is that it cost $81.
The meh news is that I was able to use my HSA funds, so at least my checking account remains unmolested one more day.
The great news is that I have a really good chance of not crying myself to sleep for at least another month. :-)
The different and fabulous news is that I am feeling much more optimistic today. Yesterday I applied for 9 jobs, I ate relatively well (the pizza I ate half of was actually a small pizza, so it's not all that bad), I only drank one beer, and I got a lot of sorting-of-junk done. I also had lunch with a dear friend and I spoke on the phone for 45 minutes with another dear friend. If I can make that much progress, even every other day, I think I'm well on my way to my very own SF life. Regardless of how many more Eeyore/Coldplay days I have.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Day Nineteen: Warning Signs.
I am pleased to announce that I have now applied for fourteen jobs in SF! I also found out that another of my friends is pregnant. Love is all around!
Today has been very emotional. I probably need my medicine but in all honesty, I think it's mostly because MY LIFE IS IN UPHEAVAL RIGHT NOW. It would be weirder if I was all "la-di-da-the world is covered in roses and happy puppies!"
I have hardly spoken with Collin all weekend and I'm having to face the fact that he doesn't want a long distance relationship and this has become a long distance relationship. It's very scary to think about that, but at least he prepared me by basically telling me before he even moved that I was going to be on my own during the move. I can't say that he ever mislead me but it's still very sad for me, since I love him so much. To me it seems weird, since he only moved to SF on the 8th, and I last saw him on the 13th and it's only the 20th, but the fact that he's playing the LDR card this early is really a telling sign. I've made the mistake of overanalyzing things in the past, but I don't think that's the case here, since I'm just listening to the words he's saying.
Anyway, so I'm still excited about the move, but I can't say I'm quite as optimistic about it. At least I'm no longer in any real hurry.
Today has been very emotional. I probably need my medicine but in all honesty, I think it's mostly because MY LIFE IS IN UPHEAVAL RIGHT NOW. It would be weirder if I was all "la-di-da-the world is covered in roses and happy puppies!"
I have hardly spoken with Collin all weekend and I'm having to face the fact that he doesn't want a long distance relationship and this has become a long distance relationship. It's very scary to think about that, but at least he prepared me by basically telling me before he even moved that I was going to be on my own during the move. I can't say that he ever mislead me but it's still very sad for me, since I love him so much. To me it seems weird, since he only moved to SF on the 8th, and I last saw him on the 13th and it's only the 20th, but the fact that he's playing the LDR card this early is really a telling sign. I've made the mistake of overanalyzing things in the past, but I don't think that's the case here, since I'm just listening to the words he's saying.
Anyway, so I'm still excited about the move, but I can't say I'm quite as optimistic about it. At least I'm no longer in any real hurry.
Day Eighteen: Postscript.
1) I think what bothered me the most about the class I took is that it was more an introduction to the Web Design and Development certificate offered by Emory Lifelong Learning than it was an introduction to Web Design and Development. So I left thinking, "wow, there really is quite a bit I don't know."
2) 7 apparently was too early to go to bed. With much grumbles and protestations, I roused myself at 7:30 and spent the next 4 hours basically transporting junk from my Closet (I have one closet in my entire apartment) and bedroom bookshelves into my living room while watching Firefly. My allergies were definitely irritated, but my Closet looks awfully nice now, and I realized that my camping equipment is still in really good shape, despite being in the recesses of my Closet for the past 4+ years. Also, I love Firefly. So, good decision. I also gathered all my giveaway stuff into one area and pushed my sellaway furniture into another area, so I have more room in my living room, for sitting on the couch and walking through. Good job, me!
3) One thing I didn't mention in my previous post was that I broke my balance ball. Despite the fact that it was 70+ degrees in Atlanta yesterday and gorgeous (I didn't really notice, since I was indoors all day, but whatever), I had my heater on and my ball rolled into it (my house was built in the 20s, so "level" is kind-of irrelevant) and melted. One less thing to worry about I guess. Although I miss it.
4) There was a very loud and obnoxious college-kids party across the street from my house. It was in the house next to the house where they are filming a movie right now, which I believes stars Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton. I know, weird. Apparently now that the filming is on weekend break, the kids are reveling in the freedom of being about to park on our street for a few days so they invited their friends over to do the same. I'm so glad I'm getting old.
5) I am going on a biplane ride. I am excited. I was sad because I didn't know who to go with but I immediately got volunteers and now am super-stoked! My dad called because he wanted to come down and go with me, too. I love my dad.
I'm on my way to visit Yael right now. I'm very excited because I get to walk to lunch and enjoy the still beautiful weather.
And the thing is, yesterday had 2 really awesome Harper-related developments, too. I'll post them below.
My brother and his sweet baby girl.
My sweet baby niece in one of the other onesies I embroidered for her and LEG WARMERS. If you've ever seen anything cuter, I don't want to hear about it, because it's a big fat lie.
Thanks for putting up with my moaning and complaining. I'm planning on accomplishing even more today. Which is saying a lot, because at the end of the day yesterday, I really had made progress, despite also having cried a lot and having gained back the 3 pounds I lost.
2) 7 apparently was too early to go to bed. With much grumbles and protestations, I roused myself at 7:30 and spent the next 4 hours basically transporting junk from my Closet (I have one closet in my entire apartment) and bedroom bookshelves into my living room while watching Firefly. My allergies were definitely irritated, but my Closet looks awfully nice now, and I realized that my camping equipment is still in really good shape, despite being in the recesses of my Closet for the past 4+ years. Also, I love Firefly. So, good decision. I also gathered all my giveaway stuff into one area and pushed my sellaway furniture into another area, so I have more room in my living room, for sitting on the couch and walking through. Good job, me!
3) One thing I didn't mention in my previous post was that I broke my balance ball. Despite the fact that it was 70+ degrees in Atlanta yesterday and gorgeous (I didn't really notice, since I was indoors all day, but whatever), I had my heater on and my ball rolled into it (my house was built in the 20s, so "level" is kind-of irrelevant) and melted. One less thing to worry about I guess. Although I miss it.
4) There was a very loud and obnoxious college-kids party across the street from my house. It was in the house next to the house where they are filming a movie right now, which I believes stars Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton. I know, weird. Apparently now that the filming is on weekend break, the kids are reveling in the freedom of being about to park on our street for a few days so they invited their friends over to do the same. I'm so glad I'm getting old.
5) I am going on a biplane ride. I am excited. I was sad because I didn't know who to go with but I immediately got volunteers and now am super-stoked! My dad called because he wanted to come down and go with me, too. I love my dad.
I'm on my way to visit Yael right now. I'm very excited because I get to walk to lunch and enjoy the still beautiful weather.
And the thing is, yesterday had 2 really awesome Harper-related developments, too. I'll post them below.
My brother and his sweet baby girl.
My sweet baby niece in one of the other onesies I embroidered for her and LEG WARMERS. If you've ever seen anything cuter, I don't want to hear about it, because it's a big fat lie.
Thanks for putting up with my moaning and complaining. I'm planning on accomplishing even more today. Which is saying a lot, because at the end of the day yesterday, I really had made progress, despite also having cried a lot and having gained back the 3 pounds I lost.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Day Eighteen: Ouch.
Please tolerate me for a moment:
I have cramps today.
My web design class was disappointing and when I came home I promptly messed up my website severely and apparently irreparably.
One of my articles of clothing today smelled like cat pee, which I realized as soon as I had been in class long enough for my clothes to warm up, so about every five minutes I was reminded of how much my life is spinning out of control.
Collin told me some guy was hitting on him all night last night at the bar. Where apparently he got really drunk, and he tweeted that SF has awesome live music.
I ran out of medicine and have been crying a lot.
I feel unappealing and gross.
I ate another bag of Pirate's Booty for dinner (which I also did last night) so I feel malnourished, overly full, and humiliated.
I don't like posting entries like this, but I don't know what else to say when I feel this crappy.
It's 7 pm. Is it too early for bed?
I have cramps today.
My web design class was disappointing and when I came home I promptly messed up my website severely and apparently irreparably.
One of my articles of clothing today smelled like cat pee, which I realized as soon as I had been in class long enough for my clothes to warm up, so about every five minutes I was reminded of how much my life is spinning out of control.
Collin told me some guy was hitting on him all night last night at the bar. Where apparently he got really drunk, and he tweeted that SF has awesome live music.
I ran out of medicine and have been crying a lot.
I feel unappealing and gross.
I ate another bag of Pirate's Booty for dinner (which I also did last night) so I feel malnourished, overly full, and humiliated.
I don't like posting entries like this, but I don't know what else to say when I feel this crappy.
It's 7 pm. Is it too early for bed?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Day Seventeen: Day is Done, Gone the Sun...
I'm really excited about my web design class tomorrow. I'm hoping to learn a bunch of stuff, or at least to learn some of the basics that I have skipped. The curse of being curious, stubborn, and intelligent is that one is sometimes able to figure things out without actually learning "the basics." I'm hoping that this class will at least fill in the basics-gaps.
In other web news, I was experimenting with Fotomoto for selling my photos on my website, and Collin was sweet enough to buy a photo from me (!), but I decided to try SmugMug also. I was able to customize my site's name (charitycrabtree.smugmug.com) and the look of the site, too! I'm very happy with it, but I haven't decided whether or not to invest in an account there. It's fun just to see it and think of the possibilities.
In other non-web news, my brother sent a photo to me today of my beautiful niece Harper wearing one of the onesies I embroidered for her! He called the photo Hula Girl. I love it.
LOVEly. I mean, how is it possible for so much beauty and miraculousness to occupy such a small part of the world?!
So now I'm really really tired and my apartment is still a mess, although I did sell two books on Amazon and, you know, set up a photography website (charitycrabtree.smugmug.com, did I tell you?), and I actually lost a couple of pounds last night, somehow. :-) Anyway, I am not down about it. I just know now that I need to make a to-do list for Sunday and stick to it.
I'll be going out with Yael for lunch on Sunday (YAY!) but I think that will be a good way to divide up the day between chilling out (AM) and working (PM). I need to write emails to the people I know in SF and that area, and try to set up some informational interviews. Plus, that will give me an excuse to buy another ticket to SF (where I'll get some good Collin-snuggle-time, I'm pretty sure)!
Speaking of Collin, apparently he gets free beer and pizza and bacon cheeseburgers at work, which is another reason for me to get out there ASAP. If I don't, there is apparently a very good chance that he will have a heart attack or gain 300 pounds. Or BOTH.
Ok, well, it's time for me to tuck into bed with my sweet Sambo, who patiently awaits...
In other web news, I was experimenting with Fotomoto for selling my photos on my website, and Collin was sweet enough to buy a photo from me (!), but I decided to try SmugMug also. I was able to customize my site's name (charitycrabtree.smugmug.com) and the look of the site, too! I'm very happy with it, but I haven't decided whether or not to invest in an account there. It's fun just to see it and think of the possibilities.
In other non-web news, my brother sent a photo to me today of my beautiful niece Harper wearing one of the onesies I embroidered for her! He called the photo Hula Girl. I love it.
LOVEly. I mean, how is it possible for so much beauty and miraculousness to occupy such a small part of the world?!
So now I'm really really tired and my apartment is still a mess, although I did sell two books on Amazon and, you know, set up a photography website (charitycrabtree.smugmug.com, did I tell you?), and I actually lost a couple of pounds last night, somehow. :-) Anyway, I am not down about it. I just know now that I need to make a to-do list for Sunday and stick to it.
I'll be going out with Yael for lunch on Sunday (YAY!) but I think that will be a good way to divide up the day between chilling out (AM) and working (PM). I need to write emails to the people I know in SF and that area, and try to set up some informational interviews. Plus, that will give me an excuse to buy another ticket to SF (where I'll get some good Collin-snuggle-time, I'm pretty sure)!
Speaking of Collin, apparently he gets free beer and pizza and bacon cheeseburgers at work, which is another reason for me to get out there ASAP. If I don't, there is apparently a very good chance that he will have a heart attack or gain 300 pounds. Or BOTH.
Ok, well, it's time for me to tuck into bed with my sweet Sambo, who patiently awaits...
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Day Sixteen: Losing My Grip
Today we had kind of a big event at work and my boss asked me to basically be in charge during it. It was awesome. I loved it. I wore one of my "power suits" (I have 4 suits that I ordered from Overstock.com so "power suit" is an overstatement but please note that regardless, I WAS WEARING A SUIT). I introduced the introducer and wrapped up the event. It felt good. I've done most of the planning for it, so I think it was nice that my boss let me take the lead during the event.
Anyway, so when I got home I updated my website a little (I added a plug-in that allows visitors to buy my photos!). I also drank a few glasses of my FAVORITE wine, Gran Familia Rioja Crianza, and one of my favorite beers, Dale's Pale Ale. Yummy.
At this point I'm ready to go to bed. AT the same time, I feel compelled to share the following:
1) My living room is a clutter-y nightmare. If anyone wants to call Hoarders, I'd be ok with that at this point.
2) I still weigh 1,000,000 pounds and I still haven't made an effort to exercise (including yoga) since the beginning of this month. Just, you know, FYI.
3) I applied for 4 jobs 2 days ago and that was the last of it thus far. But I know I have to keep going. I need to set up informational interviews (which is awesome since I've been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder by multiple physicians and psychiatrists) with random contacts I have, but that's a pretty big challenge when I have a BRAND NEW NIECE IN BROOKLYN.
So basically: ack. I'm working on it. Or, I'm working it, depending on your perspective. Mine tends towards the latter.
TTYS.
Anyway, so when I got home I updated my website a little (I added a plug-in that allows visitors to buy my photos!). I also drank a few glasses of my FAVORITE wine, Gran Familia Rioja Crianza, and one of my favorite beers, Dale's Pale Ale. Yummy.
At this point I'm ready to go to bed. AT the same time, I feel compelled to share the following:
1) My living room is a clutter-y nightmare. If anyone wants to call Hoarders, I'd be ok with that at this point.
2) I still weigh 1,000,000 pounds and I still haven't made an effort to exercise (including yoga) since the beginning of this month. Just, you know, FYI.
3) I applied for 4 jobs 2 days ago and that was the last of it thus far. But I know I have to keep going. I need to set up informational interviews (which is awesome since I've been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder by multiple physicians and psychiatrists) with random contacts I have, but that's a pretty big challenge when I have a BRAND NEW NIECE IN BROOKLYN.
So basically: ack. I'm working on it. Or, I'm working it, depending on your perspective. Mine tends towards the latter.
TTYS.
Days Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, and Fifteen: What was that again?!
Ok, so let me see if I can do a recap of all the recent insanity. I can't promise it will be short, and I can't promise it will be sweet, but I can promise that it will be true. Sometimes that's the best you can hope for, I think.
Days Nine and Ten (2/10-11):
Collin at Blue Danube my first afternoon in San Francisco.
OK, in my last entry, I described Day Ten instead of Day Nine. Oops. So you already know about Day Ten. Let me explain though, that Day Nine was basically a non-event. I know this mostly because I don't remember anything that happened that day. Let me check my Twitter feed to be sure.
Apparently I watched Intervention and did little else. That seems about right.
Anyway, here are some photos from Day Ten:
Just so you know.
I wait for the bus.
Day Eleven (2/12):
This was the day Collin and I set out with high hopes to see the city. Let's see, we started out by getting breakfast at Blue Danube again, which was great. Then we went to ride the cable car but the line was obscene. So I met an interesting man, who was collecting money in his huge bucket, to whom Collin said "I don't care how big your bucket is, man, I'm not giving you any money," after taking his photo with me. Our budding friendship was unfortunately doomed to fail, clearly.
Me and the man with the big bucket. I could say something about my big cans but I'll resist. Except I just said it.
We walked up to Union Square and sat for a minute.
Collin took some photos in Union Square...
... and I took some photos of Collin taking some photos in Union Square.
We considered taking a tourist bus (I like doing that because it gets all the touristy stuff OUT OF THE WAY so you can just enjoy being in the city) but decided we didn't have time, since we were meeting Collin's brother for dinner later, so we just went shoe-shopping. My lovely new work shoes are apparently not the best shoes for walking around the hills of San Fran. However, my super cool new shoes ARE the best. They are incredibly light -- they are basically like tires for my feet, which makes sense, since they are made by Jeep. I know, weird.
Collin waits for the bus.
Collin and I ride on the bus. I have new shoes!
Collin's birthday beverage from Starbucks: a venti mocha something frappuccino something or other.
Dinner with Collin's brother was superb, other than the fact that it made me terribly sick the next day. I truly believe that at some point I will take my milk allergy seriously, but at this point in my life, I just want Fettuccine Alfredo too hard. But I love Collin's brother, Dane (I actually love all three of Collin's brothers, but Dane *is* the only one I've seen in a plastic crab bib, so I can't say that he doesn't have a huge advantage, because he clearly does).
Day Twelve (2/13):
The day started wonderfully with a nice walk and a visit to the park.
Nice effort. And nice shoes.
Collin didn't get his knees all the way up but his bench was steeper so it's ok.
Slowly but surely Collin and I made it out of the neighborhood and over to the airport. We didn't really have time to eat on the way there, like we'd hoped, so we ate at the airport. Yech. Plus sad.
Airport meal: my last in San Francisco unfortunately. At least the beer was good! And the company.
What was really sad was the pathetic quesadilla with "chips" I had in the LA airport. Luckily I also had two $12 margaritas and met some fun people from Atlanta who were on their way to HAWAII, so my layover actually turned out to be pretty sweet.
Generous helping of FOUR tortilla chips.
My new shoes/tires. Waiting for my connection in LA.
My flight to Atlanta didn't get in until after midnight. In order to preserve the sanctity of Day Twelve, I'm going to end by saying that my flight landed safely, and there was not one screaming child on the plane. Awesome.
I love San Francisco.
Day Thirteen (2/14):
I'm not going to lie. This was the worse start to Valentine's Day EVER. That's really saying something, since I am finally in a healthy relationship on a Valentine's Day and have suffered through more than my fair share of pitiful or pathetic or psychotic (or more frequently all three at once) V Days. But this was way worse than crying myself to sleep the night before and just waking up with puffy eyes...
The good news is that Collin's stepmom called me at work and took me out to lunch. She had driven in from Athens, so she got a little lost, but we had a great conversation! Of course, my lunch hour turned out to be lunch hours, so I had to stay late for work. I went home and collapsed. What a day. Crikey.
Mad and me after lunch.
Day Fourteen (2/15):
On the other hand, this was the BEST start to the day after Valentine's Day EVER. My niece was born! She is amazingly beautiful and I am totally in love. This day was basically spent sighing, giggling, and crying. What a miracle. It really puts things in perspective for me. Life is beautiful.
Harper Eliah Crabtree
Day Fifteen (2/16):
Ok, back to business day! I met with a friend of mine who gave me some GREAT advice about setting up informational interviews in San Francisco with some folks I know (and others). She also told me about her web design business, which is crazy fortuitous. She has built her business up in the way I wanted to, following advice that I have read and received and it has worked! She doesn't rely on it for her sole source of income (yet) but in the meantime is building up her skill set and having fun doing it! It was inspiring and very motivating. Yay!
I was supposed to go out with another friend for dinner but that didn't work out so instead, I went to visit one of Collin's other brothers (he lives like 3 blocks from my friend, which I realized when I dropped her off) and we had a very nice evening. We ate dinner together (PIZZA!) and talked, and played with Devon, Collin's amazing nephew. What a charmer. I love him. He asked about "Uncka Collin" which was very precious, and then spent about 15 minutes flipping through the photos on my phone. He has been working on double-tapping to open photos and zoom, etc., so he kept stabbing my phone with his tiny fingers saying "Tap-TAP!!" Adorable.
The Van Dyck-Scott family (Michelle, Chris, and Devon)!
So then I went home and talked to Collin and now he's terrified that I'm baby crazy. But seriously! How can I NOT BE?!?!
Yeah, you like my OUTFIT!
Days Nine and Ten (2/10-11):
Collin at Blue Danube my first afternoon in San Francisco.
OK, in my last entry, I described Day Ten instead of Day Nine. Oops. So you already know about Day Ten. Let me explain though, that Day Nine was basically a non-event. I know this mostly because I don't remember anything that happened that day. Let me check my Twitter feed to be sure.
Apparently I watched Intervention and did little else. That seems about right.
Anyway, here are some photos from Day Ten:
Just so you know.
I wait for the bus.
Day Eleven (2/12):
This was the day Collin and I set out with high hopes to see the city. Let's see, we started out by getting breakfast at Blue Danube again, which was great. Then we went to ride the cable car but the line was obscene. So I met an interesting man, who was collecting money in his huge bucket, to whom Collin said "I don't care how big your bucket is, man, I'm not giving you any money," after taking his photo with me. Our budding friendship was unfortunately doomed to fail, clearly.
Me and the man with the big bucket. I could say something about my big cans but I'll resist. Except I just said it.
We walked up to Union Square and sat for a minute.
Collin took some photos in Union Square...
... and I took some photos of Collin taking some photos in Union Square.
We considered taking a tourist bus (I like doing that because it gets all the touristy stuff OUT OF THE WAY so you can just enjoy being in the city) but decided we didn't have time, since we were meeting Collin's brother for dinner later, so we just went shoe-shopping. My lovely new work shoes are apparently not the best shoes for walking around the hills of San Fran. However, my super cool new shoes ARE the best. They are incredibly light -- they are basically like tires for my feet, which makes sense, since they are made by Jeep. I know, weird.
Collin waits for the bus.
Collin and I ride on the bus. I have new shoes!
Collin's birthday beverage from Starbucks: a venti mocha something frappuccino something or other.
Dinner with Collin's brother was superb, other than the fact that it made me terribly sick the next day. I truly believe that at some point I will take my milk allergy seriously, but at this point in my life, I just want Fettuccine Alfredo too hard. But I love Collin's brother, Dane (I actually love all three of Collin's brothers, but Dane *is* the only one I've seen in a plastic crab bib, so I can't say that he doesn't have a huge advantage, because he clearly does).
Day Twelve (2/13):
The day started wonderfully with a nice walk and a visit to the park.
Nice effort. And nice shoes.
Collin didn't get his knees all the way up but his bench was steeper so it's ok.
Slowly but surely Collin and I made it out of the neighborhood and over to the airport. We didn't really have time to eat on the way there, like we'd hoped, so we ate at the airport. Yech. Plus sad.
Airport meal: my last in San Francisco unfortunately. At least the beer was good! And the company.
What was really sad was the pathetic quesadilla with "chips" I had in the LA airport. Luckily I also had two $12 margaritas and met some fun people from Atlanta who were on their way to HAWAII, so my layover actually turned out to be pretty sweet.
Generous helping of FOUR tortilla chips.
My new shoes/tires. Waiting for my connection in LA.
My flight to Atlanta didn't get in until after midnight. In order to preserve the sanctity of Day Twelve, I'm going to end by saying that my flight landed safely, and there was not one screaming child on the plane. Awesome.
I love San Francisco.
Day Thirteen (2/14):
I'm not going to lie. This was the worse start to Valentine's Day EVER. That's really saying something, since I am finally in a healthy relationship on a Valentine's Day and have suffered through more than my fair share of pitiful or pathetic or psychotic (or more frequently all three at once) V Days. But this was way worse than crying myself to sleep the night before and just waking up with puffy eyes...
Picture this: You're super tired. It's super late, and you've just paid way too much for less than 72 hours of parking. It's Valentine's Day, and you've just returned to a lame-duck hometown from an amazing weekend with the love of your life in a breathtakingly beautiful city and are slightly freaking out about having to figure out a way to get out there as soon as possible, and STAY out there. You walk into the parking garage assuming you will be able to find your way to the economy lot ("economy" = REALLY bad sign in this case) only to find yourself in a dark parking garage surrounded by empty cars with no idea where you are going. You know the direction of your car, so you head that way, only to find yourself standing on a service road on the other side of a chainlink fence, looking into the massive parking lot containing your car and realizing that the rows start in the teens and you will have to walk to row FORTY-FIVE. So obviously you burst into tears. Then a security truck pulls up and a woman looks at you like you're crazy when you flag her down and tells you she will call you someone to meet you here and help you instead of just helping you herself. Miracle of miracles: you look up and see the path you missed 15 minutes ago and sobbing, wave away the useless security truck. You finally get back on the path and begin the hike to your car. You get to your row and see your car right where you left it. Only you realize when you get there that this is not your car. In fact, it's a different make, model, and COLOR and has none of the distinguishing characteristics of your car. You look down the row as you keep walking and although you're approaching the end of the row, you don't see it. You start sobbing again and then finally see your car. You get to your car, still having seen NOT ONE PERSON other than the security guard, get in, realize how thirsty you are, and down the remnants of a Lime Lacroix that has been in your car more than 72 hours and start trying to stifle your sobbing. You finally get to the exit and after inserting ticket, wait while TWO other cars approach, insert tickets, and drive off, and then FINALLY the gate goes up and you begin the 30 minute journey home. You arrive at home in time to get to bed just before 1:30 am and wake up in 6 hours to go to work. Terrific.
The good news is that Collin's stepmom called me at work and took me out to lunch. She had driven in from Athens, so she got a little lost, but we had a great conversation! Of course, my lunch hour turned out to be lunch hours, so I had to stay late for work. I went home and collapsed. What a day. Crikey.
Mad and me after lunch.
Day Fourteen (2/15):
On the other hand, this was the BEST start to the day after Valentine's Day EVER. My niece was born! She is amazingly beautiful and I am totally in love. This day was basically spent sighing, giggling, and crying. What a miracle. It really puts things in perspective for me. Life is beautiful.
Harper Eliah Crabtree
Day Fifteen (2/16):
Ok, back to business day! I met with a friend of mine who gave me some GREAT advice about setting up informational interviews in San Francisco with some folks I know (and others). She also told me about her web design business, which is crazy fortuitous. She has built her business up in the way I wanted to, following advice that I have read and received and it has worked! She doesn't rely on it for her sole source of income (yet) but in the meantime is building up her skill set and having fun doing it! It was inspiring and very motivating. Yay!
I was supposed to go out with another friend for dinner but that didn't work out so instead, I went to visit one of Collin's other brothers (he lives like 3 blocks from my friend, which I realized when I dropped her off) and we had a very nice evening. We ate dinner together (PIZZA!) and talked, and played with Devon, Collin's amazing nephew. What a charmer. I love him. He asked about "Uncka Collin" which was very precious, and then spent about 15 minutes flipping through the photos on my phone. He has been working on double-tapping to open photos and zoom, etc., so he kept stabbing my phone with his tiny fingers saying "Tap-TAP!!" Adorable.
The Van Dyck-Scott family (Michelle, Chris, and Devon)!
So then I went home and talked to Collin and now he's terrified that I'm baby crazy. But seriously! How can I NOT BE?!?!
Yeah, you like my OUTFIT!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Day Nine: Check.
So yesterday I got up really early and flew to San Francisco. I don't remember much of that because - miracle of miracles - I was able to sleep through much of the plane ride. I still arrived feeling tired and gross; even after I took a shower I didn't feel that much better. I'm just really dragging because of the time change. I realized that when I move, I really want to drive out here. It just feels more natural, like the wagon trains of the nineteenth century. I want to have a real grasp of just how far from home I am. On the plane ride here, it was just strange to pass over the Rocky Mountains, and the plains of Kansas and Oklahoma, and the Ozarks in Arkansas (except in reversed order, obviously). I want to really *know* how far away from home I am when I move here. I can't imagine getting off a plane and being in a new home. It just seems too surreal or something.
Anyway, so yesterday after getting here and riding in a cab with a driver who apparently has nothing left to lose in this life and taking a shower, Collin and I went out for a late lunch at Burma Superstar, which was delicious! I had samusa soup and Collin had pork curry. Apparently I really like Burmese food! Who knew?
For dinner we went out to a delicious Turkish restaurant called Troya. MMM! Apparently I also like Turkish food. The owner was there and he was a very nice man. I like meeting restaurant owners. They take such pride in their restaurants; the food and service is always better when the owner participates.
Other than eat, we also went to visit Collin's new workplace (he starts Monday!); although we planned on taking public transportation, we ended up walking much of it. It was beautiful weather but my shoes are driving me batty. Just, you know, FYI. But Yammer was great and we walked around talking to people there, who were all so friendly. He is going to have a great time there. So... I want to move more than before but I'm also afraid that my job will pale in comparison. Not that that should make me not try; I don't know why I'm so anxious about the whole job thing!
Today we've been walking around together -- I love his neighborhood! We got coffee and ate breakfast at a lovely little coffee shop around the corner. It reminds me of Java Monkey a little bit; I can see why Collin likes it. While there, I spoke by phone with my sister-in-law, who has not yet had the baby but is pursuing yogic and chinese medicinal means of moving the baby along (yesterday was the original due date, although the midwife has actually been saying the 14th for awhile now).
Overall, this weekend has been amazing so far. I really need to get on the getting-a-job bandwagon, and I plan to do so first thing Monday morning. I need to be out here. Collin and I are having an awesome time, and I am loving the atmosphere here! I would post photos, but I left my camera AND laptop at home, so please forgive me. Hopefully I'll add some later.
Anyway, so yesterday after getting here and riding in a cab with a driver who apparently has nothing left to lose in this life and taking a shower, Collin and I went out for a late lunch at Burma Superstar, which was delicious! I had samusa soup and Collin had pork curry. Apparently I really like Burmese food! Who knew?
For dinner we went out to a delicious Turkish restaurant called Troya. MMM! Apparently I also like Turkish food. The owner was there and he was a very nice man. I like meeting restaurant owners. They take such pride in their restaurants; the food and service is always better when the owner participates.
Other than eat, we also went to visit Collin's new workplace (he starts Monday!); although we planned on taking public transportation, we ended up walking much of it. It was beautiful weather but my shoes are driving me batty. Just, you know, FYI. But Yammer was great and we walked around talking to people there, who were all so friendly. He is going to have a great time there. So... I want to move more than before but I'm also afraid that my job will pale in comparison. Not that that should make me not try; I don't know why I'm so anxious about the whole job thing!
Today we've been walking around together -- I love his neighborhood! We got coffee and ate breakfast at a lovely little coffee shop around the corner. It reminds me of Java Monkey a little bit; I can see why Collin likes it. While there, I spoke by phone with my sister-in-law, who has not yet had the baby but is pursuing yogic and chinese medicinal means of moving the baby along (yesterday was the original due date, although the midwife has actually been saying the 14th for awhile now).
Overall, this weekend has been amazing so far. I really need to get on the getting-a-job bandwagon, and I plan to do so first thing Monday morning. I need to be out here. Collin and I are having an awesome time, and I am loving the atmosphere here! I would post photos, but I left my camera AND laptop at home, so please forgive me. Hopefully I'll add some later.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Day Eight: We Gotta Get Outta This Place!
This video expresses my feelings about Atlanta very well now. Even more so because the video set looks hauntingly familiar to my own apartment lately...
Ok, so I've not been the most productive lately. First I was spending all my time with Collin (which I don't regret, since he was leaving and I felt justified in procrastinating a little), and now I'm in this crazy wind tunnel, because I'm leaving early tomorrow morning (I have to leave my apartment BEFORE SIX AM) to go visit my darling dear. Then I'll be back about midnight on Sunday, so while I am looking forward to this weekend very much, I know that it will be another reason I'm not making progress towards the move, unfortunately.
So here are the things I need to do today (i.e. Day Nine): finish my resume, pack for San Francisco (just the weekend), register for a class in web design, and put my resume in dropbox so I can edit it from the West Coast. Oh, and clean my apartment from dusty top to dingy bottom. Argh.
I have to say that this move is super exciting to me because it's forcing me to do all the things I've been putting off for so long. I told Collin last night that I was so afraid I would fail; I haven't really done anything yet in my adult life because I'm so afraid, and his response was "Oh, you'll fail," which at first I found very UNhelpful, but it's like the story of how Thomas Edison invented so many lightbulbs that didn't work before finally getting to one that did. I have never been good at heading straight into failure. This has been really challenging, which I love, since it is a reflection of how much I will grow as a process.
I'll talk more about the Web Design stuff tonight. When I also post an update of how much of this I actually do today...
Collin took this photo last night. :-)
By the way, I went to dinner last night with an old friend of mine and in talking to her about it, realized I haven't talked to any of my improv friends since I quit two months ago. This I find extremely sad. It's difficult when friends you thought you had turn out to not give a poo about you. Just in case you were wondering if it feels awesome... It doesn't.
Oh, and I decided to quit drinking. Since I decided that (actually it was before I even began this blog), I've not cut down at all. I've also decided to get back eventually to where I'm doing yoga 5+ days a week. Since I decided that I've not done yoga once.
So yeah, there are two more updates I will provide. If any progress is ever made!
Just kidding. I'll post updates anyway.
Ok, so I've not been the most productive lately. First I was spending all my time with Collin (which I don't regret, since he was leaving and I felt justified in procrastinating a little), and now I'm in this crazy wind tunnel, because I'm leaving early tomorrow morning (I have to leave my apartment BEFORE SIX AM) to go visit my darling dear. Then I'll be back about midnight on Sunday, so while I am looking forward to this weekend very much, I know that it will be another reason I'm not making progress towards the move, unfortunately.
So here are the things I need to do today (i.e. Day Nine): finish my resume, pack for San Francisco (just the weekend), register for a class in web design, and put my resume in dropbox so I can edit it from the West Coast. Oh, and clean my apartment from dusty top to dingy bottom. Argh.
I have to say that this move is super exciting to me because it's forcing me to do all the things I've been putting off for so long. I told Collin last night that I was so afraid I would fail; I haven't really done anything yet in my adult life because I'm so afraid, and his response was "Oh, you'll fail," which at first I found very UNhelpful, but it's like the story of how Thomas Edison invented so many lightbulbs that didn't work before finally getting to one that did. I have never been good at heading straight into failure. This has been really challenging, which I love, since it is a reflection of how much I will grow as a process.
I'll talk more about the Web Design stuff tonight. When I also post an update of how much of this I actually do today...
Collin took this photo last night. :-)
By the way, I went to dinner last night with an old friend of mine and in talking to her about it, realized I haven't talked to any of my improv friends since I quit two months ago. This I find extremely sad. It's difficult when friends you thought you had turn out to not give a poo about you. Just in case you were wondering if it feels awesome... It doesn't.
Oh, and I decided to quit drinking. Since I decided that (actually it was before I even began this blog), I've not cut down at all. I've also decided to get back eventually to where I'm doing yoga 5+ days a week. Since I decided that I've not done yoga once.
So yeah, there are two more updates I will provide. If any progress is ever made!
Just kidding. I'll post updates anyway.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Day Seven: Vacation Day.
Today has been strange. I took Collin to the airport today. I was supposed to go back to work, but I called in. Luckily I called before I had to drive home from the airport in tears.
On the way to the airport. Happier times.
I love Collin!!!
Collin has since texted me photos of the San Francisco airport. It's time for me to get to job-hunting!
I'm looking forward to the immediate future, when I can get a plan for duck-rowing, and then finally get out to SF myself.
I do think, though, that I've done enough for one day. I'm exhausted and will probably go to bed fairly soon.
On the way to the airport. Happier times.
I love Collin!!!
Collin has since texted me photos of the San Francisco airport. It's time for me to get to job-hunting!
I'm looking forward to the immediate future, when I can get a plan for duck-rowing, and then finally get out to SF myself.
I do think, though, that I've done enough for one day. I'm exhausted and will probably go to bed fairly soon.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Day Six: Leaving Atlanta, Post Script
Very Happy.
Very Sad.
Collin: Alright, I think I've done everything that I can. I mean, I could've done more, but...
Day Six: Leaving Atlanta.
Collin and I watched Leaving Las Vegas this weekend. Yikes. I'm glad I knew how it ended already, or it would have been torturous.
Also, Collin likes my grandmother's glasses.
Last night I got about 3 hours of sleep. It makes me feel much better about not helping Collin as much when I think of the many nights in the past week that I've gotten 3-5 hours of sleep and he's slept until noon or beyond.
He's starting to get nervous about moving out there, but neither one of us has really dealt with the fact that he's moving thousands of miles away. From me specifically, I mean. We both know that we are postponing the inevitable, but I'm still imagining staying out West when I go visit him next weekend. I'll get a job next week and be there by the end of the month.
The truth is that tomorrow night Collin will be sleeping in a different bed, and San Francisco will be his home. It's really difficult to accept that. On the other hand, talking about my own move has actually been making it more real for me, and the fact that he is going makes me talk about it frequently, so I can more easily see myself sleeping in my own different bed in the not so distant future.
Also, Collin likes my grandmother's glasses.
 |
| How cute is he?! |
Last night I got about 3 hours of sleep. It makes me feel much better about not helping Collin as much when I think of the many nights in the past week that I've gotten 3-5 hours of sleep and he's slept until noon or beyond.
He's starting to get nervous about moving out there, but neither one of us has really dealt with the fact that he's moving thousands of miles away. From me specifically, I mean. We both know that we are postponing the inevitable, but I'm still imagining staying out West when I go visit him next weekend. I'll get a job next week and be there by the end of the month.
The truth is that tomorrow night Collin will be sleeping in a different bed, and San Francisco will be his home. It's really difficult to accept that. On the other hand, talking about my own move has actually been making it more real for me, and the fact that he is going makes me talk about it frequently, so I can more easily see myself sleeping in my own different bed in the not so distant future.
Days Four and Five: Kind of a Blur.
Day Four was Saturday and Collin and I spent it together. I spent much of it working on my web page (charitycrabtree.com) and this actually continued into Day Five, which was today. We also went to Brick Store both Saturday and tonight. I have been talking on the phone with my parents quite a bit, and we spent this evening with his parents; his brother was out with us last night as well as some friends from his previous place of employment.
It's like a whirlwind. He and I are staying up most of the nights talking; I'm tired all day but it's worth it to spend time with him knowing he'll be gone in less than 36 hours.
Instead of trying to go on our last night Friday, by the way, we decided to do it when I get to San Francisco. It's made it easier to put off the thought that we will be so far apart in so little time!
Well, so Friday night we stayed at home and cooked a delicious meal together. It's one thing I will miss when he's gone.
Potato cakes, sesame green beans, and arugula salad with cranberries.
Collin and I enjoying each other as much as the dinner.
Contemplating the packing of the lenses in a very adorable way.
Overall it has been a good weekend. Emotional, but good. I am determined to get out there as soon as possible. I am looking forward to having my own new life! For some time I've felt like I haven't been taking advantage of my life. In some ways a it is great opportunity to have the freedom to pick up and start all over somewhere else.
And Collin says he'll take a yoga class with me in San Francisco!
It's like a whirlwind. He and I are staying up most of the nights talking; I'm tired all day but it's worth it to spend time with him knowing he'll be gone in less than 36 hours.
Instead of trying to go on our last night Friday, by the way, we decided to do it when I get to San Francisco. It's made it easier to put off the thought that we will be so far apart in so little time!
Well, so Friday night we stayed at home and cooked a delicious meal together. It's one thing I will miss when he's gone.
Potato cakes, sesame green beans, and arugula salad with cranberries.
Collin and I enjoying each other as much as the dinner.
Contemplating the packing of the lenses in a very adorable way.
Overall it has been a good weekend. Emotional, but good. I am determined to get out there as soon as possible. I am looking forward to having my own new life! For some time I've felt like I haven't been taking advantage of my life. In some ways a it is great opportunity to have the freedom to pick up and start all over somewhere else.
And Collin says he'll take a yoga class with me in San Francisco!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day Three: Fog Rolling In.
The title of this blog is not a metaphor of self-doubt or second thoughts, just so you know up front. Actually it was just really really foggy today in Atlanta, I think the high was 37 and the low was 34, and it was drizzling or raining all day. In San Francisco the high was 62 and the low was 44. Cloudy, and I'm sure it was at times and in places foggy, but anyway, the South is really not trying too hard to tempt me to stay at this point. ... Weatherwise at least.
Collin is packing up all his stuff tonight (I think it's only going to end up being about 5 big boxes worth). He just sold his PS3 and elliptical machine on craigslist within 15 minutes of putting the ads up, for cash. In the photo above, he's happy because he just sold the elliptical (and his roommate just made $100 for driving it over to the guy's house). He's making some big strides.
I looked at a few jobs, and thought a couple of them sounded good. When I went to apply, I remembered that someone had told me to get a local phone number and use a local address. So, sitting in front of the computer, I looked up and said that to Collin. Then I got a local number from Google Voice and he told me I could use his address.
Sometimes the fact that I'm getting ready to move comes up so suddenly and so dramatically, and I get so overwhelmed. There's so much to do. I've given myself until Collin leaves, though, to get used to the idea. Right now I'm enjoying spending time with him before he leaves (on Tuesday!) and postponing, without regret, the anxiety and the fears and terrors of the nuts and bolts of the move.
------------------
Also, here is amazing video of footage from 1906 before the San Francisco earthquake and fire, and from after said earthquake and fires. Yikes.
In looking it up originally to show to Collin, we came across this delightful footage of probably my death in a few years.
Go, John Cusack, go!
Collin is packing up all his stuff tonight (I think it's only going to end up being about 5 big boxes worth). He just sold his PS3 and elliptical machine on craigslist within 15 minutes of putting the ads up, for cash. In the photo above, he's happy because he just sold the elliptical (and his roommate just made $100 for driving it over to the guy's house). He's making some big strides.
I looked at a few jobs, and thought a couple of them sounded good. When I went to apply, I remembered that someone had told me to get a local phone number and use a local address. So, sitting in front of the computer, I looked up and said that to Collin. Then I got a local number from Google Voice and he told me I could use his address.
Sometimes the fact that I'm getting ready to move comes up so suddenly and so dramatically, and I get so overwhelmed. There's so much to do. I've given myself until Collin leaves, though, to get used to the idea. Right now I'm enjoying spending time with him before he leaves (on Tuesday!) and postponing, without regret, the anxiety and the fears and terrors of the nuts and bolts of the move.
------------------
Also, here is amazing video of footage from 1906 before the San Francisco earthquake and fire, and from after said earthquake and fires. Yikes.
In looking it up originally to show to Collin, we came across this delightful footage of probably my death in a few years.
Go, John Cusack, go!
Day Two: Losing My Hair
The news of the day is that I got my hair cut! It looks so cute now. It's a chin-length bob with layers and it is awesome. I feel great! Like things are starting to change/move forward.
Collin still hasn't started packing, and he leaves Tuesday. Just to say, I'm not the only one with a procrastination problem. I kind of understand his procrastination as hesitation to get the ball rolling, although he has already done almost everything else. I think when you start packing, it's like acknowledging that *this* is the plan - that the move is happening. The next time these belongings see the light of day will be in Pacific Time. To begin unpacking anywhere else would be failure.
For me, too, there's the question of getting rid of all of that excess. I'm trying but it seems there is always a pile of stuff that needs to be donated, and there is always furniture that needs to be sold filling up my living room, and I always seem to be accumulating somehow. It's not accumulating, really, but just the nonstop (re-)discovery process of all my junk as I find it and try to find a place for it keeps reminding me of how much unnecessary STUFF I have. And yet it's still difficult to get rid of it for some reason.
Speaking of procrastination, I still haven't applied for a job in SF. When I think about it my tummy starts hurting.
Recap:
It is so strange to meet all of Collin's friends for the first time at the same time I'm saying goodbye to them.
Collin still hasn't started packing, and he leaves Tuesday. Just to say, I'm not the only one with a procrastination problem. I kind of understand his procrastination as hesitation to get the ball rolling, although he has already done almost everything else. I think when you start packing, it's like acknowledging that *this* is the plan - that the move is happening. The next time these belongings see the light of day will be in Pacific Time. To begin unpacking anywhere else would be failure.
For me, too, there's the question of getting rid of all of that excess. I'm trying but it seems there is always a pile of stuff that needs to be donated, and there is always furniture that needs to be sold filling up my living room, and I always seem to be accumulating somehow. It's not accumulating, really, but just the nonstop (re-)discovery process of all my junk as I find it and try to find a place for it keeps reminding me of how much unnecessary STUFF I have. And yet it's still difficult to get rid of it for some reason.
Speaking of procrastination, I still haven't applied for a job in SF. When I think about it my tummy starts hurting.
Recap:
- Sold one book (one of Collin's photography books, actually).
- Breakfast: bite-size shredded wheat and almond milk. Mmmm! Good start.
- Lunch: I came home and ate a turkey sandwich with arugula and honey mustard on a toasted whole wheat bun. Then I packed some broccoli, cherry tomatoes, carrots, and an apple and snacked on it through the afternoon. Pretty good!
- Dinner: Um, fried pierogies and curry with rice. Yes, that was less than ideal, but still. Very satisfying. Oh, and three beers. :-) So yeah, dinner wasn't perfect, but I went to Brick Store with Collin and his friend from a previous job.
It is so strange to meet all of Collin's friends for the first time at the same time I'm saying goodbye to them.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day One: Easing In?
OK, so counting yesterday as day one, which seems logical, I must admit the following:
1) I did about 5 minutes of yoga before taking a rest and going to Whole Foods to buy food.
2) I ate nothing but carbs and fiber. At least I didn't just eat carbs...
Etc. The point of this lame blog entry is that day one was unspectacular, and filled with not-goal-accomplishing. So there.
Next Up? Day Two.
1) I did about 5 minutes of yoga before taking a rest and going to Whole Foods to buy food.
2) I ate nothing but carbs and fiber. At least I didn't just eat carbs...
Etc. The point of this lame blog entry is that day one was unspectacular, and filled with not-goal-accomplishing. So there.
Next Up? Day Two.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
First Post Blues.
I am ready to change my life for the better.
Overall my life is promising right now, and I am determined to reach my full potential.
I hate my job, and I am not supported in it, nor am I given adequate professional development opportunities. My job is easy and I feel like I'm getting an ulcer from the stress and I think my brain is dying for want of a good challenge.
I am thirty pounds overweight. Over my goal weight.
My closest friends live multiple states away and I rarely get to see them.
My finances are in a mess. I make so little at my job that my student loans are in forbearance. And I still managed to overdraft my checking account last month.
I recently quit improv, which I love, because at this particular time, the place where I was doing improv was slowly but surely killing my soul. This is actually a very positive thing, since I've been wanting to quit for quite a while. However, it's bad because my fears about quitting were realized: I've lost all my local friends, for all practical purposes.
And my apartment is a mess. It is filled mostly with 12 years worth of academic and 33 years of emotional excess. And now, stink bugs too.
So you see? I have so many things to improve! I am actually really excited for the first time in a long time about what lies ahead. What I'm most excited about is seeing what lies ahead on my current path and realizing I can change paths.
So that's is what I'm going to do. And my new path leads to San Francisco.
Overall my life is promising right now, and I am determined to reach my full potential.
I hate my job, and I am not supported in it, nor am I given adequate professional development opportunities. My job is easy and I feel like I'm getting an ulcer from the stress and I think my brain is dying for want of a good challenge.
I am thirty pounds overweight. Over my goal weight.
My closest friends live multiple states away and I rarely get to see them.
My finances are in a mess. I make so little at my job that my student loans are in forbearance. And I still managed to overdraft my checking account last month.
I recently quit improv, which I love, because at this particular time, the place where I was doing improv was slowly but surely killing my soul. This is actually a very positive thing, since I've been wanting to quit for quite a while. However, it's bad because my fears about quitting were realized: I've lost all my local friends, for all practical purposes.
And my apartment is a mess. It is filled mostly with 12 years worth of academic and 33 years of emotional excess. And now, stink bugs too.
So you see? I have so many things to improve! I am actually really excited for the first time in a long time about what lies ahead. What I'm most excited about is seeing what lies ahead on my current path and realizing I can change paths.
So that's is what I'm going to do. And my new path leads to San Francisco.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)