Day Twenty-Five: Heck Yeah, Buddy!

1) Well, I applied for two jobs at Berkeley that both look AWESOME. Like, I could do them, and I would love to do them. Those are jobs I would look forward to every day. :-) It's not 5 jobs, but it's something, and I'm happy about it.

2) The kitchen is still unclean.

3) So is the bathroom.

4) Collin and I finally had our "come-to-jesus" talk about our relationship. I feel much better about it actually. It's been really hard getting advice from people that doesn't jive with how our relationship works. We have a special bond, and it's difficult to understand. He's dating someone else, and now I know who it is, and I feel better about it, actually. I don't know why. But I do. I have too much to worry about anyway. Oh, and I bought a ticket to go visit again. This will be interesting. I had to schedule it around his new love interest's availability. Yes. Interesting.

5) I took another entire car load to the Salvation Army (SCORE) and put all my stuff up for sale. So far I've sold three bookshelves and my DVD player. It's a start.

6) I might not get to yoga today. Or maybe I'll do some yoga before bed.

Day Twenty-Five: Update.

Wanted to do a midday update to keep me on my toes.

1) I have not applied for any jobs yet. I have relegated that odious task for when the beautiful sun sets behind Atlanta's beautiful skyline. I have, however, looked at the employment website at UC Berkeley and apartments around that area. They are much more affordable. Berkeley or Oakland might be a good place to start/stay/finish.

2) I have taken out my trash and recyclables, and I washed my dishes yesterday. I still have not "cleaned" my kitchen though.

3) I have not cleaned my bathroom, but I did go buy toilet paper and take a shower!

4) I cancelled with Collin's mother and sister-in-law. Too raw.

5) I bought trash bags AND filled four of them with stuffs. Then I took the bags along with some non-bagables to the Salvation Army! I've almost got the furniture I'm going to sell on Craig's List dug out enough to sell!

6) I have not yet done yoga.

Well, it's a good start! Another thing I'm worrying about now is the car. My mom advised me not to worry about all the things that I have to worry about, especially not at once. Just figure them out when they get here. I think if I had one thing settled, though, I'd feel a lot better. I just keep looking for things to get settled, and nothing ever does. Ack.

Day Twenty-Five: Alive.

Well, I'm just going to be upfront about it. I heard from Collin and we decided to try to be friends but in our Skype call last night he told me he's already started seeing other people. I feel like I've been gut-shot.

But this isn't about Collin, this is about me. I must maintain focus on my own journey.

So today I have an agenda.

1) I will apply for at least 5 jobs.

2) I will clean my kitchen.

3) I will clean my bathroom.

4) I will go to birthday tea with Collin's mother and sister-in-law (yes, it will be awkward), and I will try not to be a basketcase.

5) At this point I have so much stuff quarantined to be taken to the Salvation Army that I'm thinking of calling a truck. However, if I can get to the store and buy some garbage bags I might be able to take a load over there this afternoon.

Whoa! I better get started.

6) I better add yoga to the list.

I haven't heard back from the acupuncturist, which I think is odd. Must remember to call him Monday or call someone else. I'm needing some needling.

Day Twenty-Two: That Was Easy.

Well, I didn't get a job (yet) but I did finally wake up early enough to start my day with yoga! I feel ok -- I think it will take a while before it makes me feel great again. For now, I'm complainy and sore. But the immediate payoff was that I got to spend time with my cats, take a long luxurious shower, and I was actually on time for work. Not too shabby start to a day!

Of course, the reason I woke up in time to do all that was because I was having really gross and really frustrating and awful anxiety dreams, but c'est la vie. I think I had too much honey badger before bed...



Oh and by the way, I've lost 5 pounds! :-)

I spoke with Mom and Daddy last night on the phone about all the craziness in my life and they were very supportive and encouraging. I have so many wonderful people in my life. I'm really lucky. Even my brother checked in with me over email, despite having a brand new little baby at home.

Oh! And I did my taxes and will get a $600 refund! I'm considering a) buying a camera, or b) getting a bunch of acupuncture. My chi is all out of whack and I think both things would help tremendously with that. Maybe I'll buy a used camera and spring for 1 or 2 sessions of acupuncture. Sweet relief. Oooh, and a massage!

Things are looking up!

(I just got another job-rejection email by the way. But that's ok.)

Day Eight: We Gotta Get Outta This Place!

This video expresses my feelings about Atlanta very well now. Even more so because the video set looks hauntingly familiar to my own apartment lately...



Ok, so I've not been the most productive lately. First I was spending all my time with Collin (which I don't regret, since he was leaving and I felt justified in procrastinating a little), and now I'm in this crazy wind tunnel, because I'm leaving early tomorrow morning (I have to leave my apartment BEFORE SIX AM) to go visit my darling dear. Then I'll be back about midnight on Sunday, so while I am looking forward to this weekend very much, I know that it will be another reason I'm not making progress towards the move, unfortunately.

So here are the things I need to do today (i.e. Day Nine): finish my resume, pack for San Francisco (just the weekend), register for a class in web design, and put my resume in dropbox so I can edit it from the West Coast. Oh, and clean my apartment from dusty top to dingy bottom. Argh.

I have to say that this move is super exciting to me because it's forcing me to do all the things I've been putting off for so long. I told Collin last night that I was so afraid I would fail; I haven't really done anything yet in my adult life because I'm so afraid, and his response was "Oh, you'll fail," which at first I found very UNhelpful, but it's like the story of how Thomas Edison invented so many lightbulbs that didn't work before finally getting to one that did. I have never been good at heading straight into failure. This has been really challenging, which I love, since it is a reflection of how much I will grow as a process.

I'll talk more about the Web Design stuff tonight. When I also post an update of how much of this I actually do today...

Collin took this photo last night. :-)

By the way, I went to dinner last night with an old friend of mine and in talking to her about it, realized I haven't talked to any of my improv friends since I quit two months ago. This I find extremely sad. It's difficult when friends you thought you had turn out to not give a poo about you. Just in case you were wondering if it feels awesome... It doesn't.

Oh, and I decided to quit drinking. Since I decided that (actually it was before I even began this blog), I've not cut down at all. I've also decided to get back eventually to where I'm doing yoga 5+ days a week. Since I decided that I've not done yoga once.

So yeah, there are two more updates I will provide. If any progress is ever made!

Just kidding. I'll post updates anyway.

Days Four and Five: Kind of a Blur.

Day Four was Saturday and Collin and I spent it together. I spent much of it working on my web page (charitycrabtree.com) and this actually continued into Day Five, which was today. We also went to Brick Store both Saturday and tonight. I have been talking on the phone with my parents quite a bit, and we spent this evening with his parents; his brother was out with us last night as well as some friends from his previous place of employment.

It's like a whirlwind. He and I are staying up most of the nights talking; I'm tired all day but it's worth it to spend time with him knowing he'll be gone in less than 36 hours.

Instead of trying to go on our last night Friday, by the way, we decided to do it when I get to San Francisco. It's made it easier to put off the thought that we will be so far apart in so little time!

Well, so Friday night we stayed at home and cooked a delicious meal together. It's one thing I will miss when he's gone.

Potato cakes, sesame green beans, and arugula salad with cranberries.

Collin and I enjoying each other as much as the dinner.

Collin loves bubble wrap. Seriously. And the oatmeal.

Contemplating the packing of the lenses in a very adorable way.

Overall it has been a good weekend. Emotional, but good. I am determined to get out there as soon as possible. I am looking forward to having my own new life! For some time I've felt like I haven't been taking advantage of my life. In some ways a it is great opportunity to have the freedom to pick up and start all over somewhere else.

And Collin says he'll take a yoga class with me in San Francisco!

Day One: Easing In?

OK, so counting yesterday as day one, which seems logical, I must admit the following:

1) I did about 5 minutes of yoga before taking a rest and going to Whole Foods to buy food.
2) I ate nothing but carbs and fiber. At least I didn't just eat carbs...

Etc. The point of this lame blog entry is that day one was unspectacular, and filled with not-goal-accomplishing. So there.

Next Up? Day Two.