Yesterday was intense.
Why is it so difficult for me to let go of bad habits and thoughts and feelings when I can let myself go so easily?
When my eighth grade teacher Mr. Hill told me flippantly one day after giving me detention for no reason, "Life's not fair, Charity," I had no idea how profound this statement actually is.
I have worked so hard for so long but when you get right down to it, that just doesn't matter. The right person has to just happen to see your resume in the stack of 300, you have to be in the right place at the right time (in your life) to meet someone you can spend the rest of your life with, you have to have the right people give you the right advice on career paths and major life decisions, and lately it just seems that if you work as hard as you possibly can and are as good a person as you can possibly be, you won't see a return on your investment without an amazing amount of luck. And I am very unlucky.
This journey I'm taking has been very exciting but also very lonely and very difficult. I appreciate that it is making me a better person but at some point I'd also like to feel job security and relationship stability too. I'd like to be able to count on something in my life.
I do enjoy being by myself, and I do think I'm a compassionate and hard-working person, but sometimes it's very hard to be so alone and feel so invisible.
Ok, I have to go pack boxes and move, because of course my office is moving this week. Why wouldn't we be?
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