Well, this has all been fun. Not really actually. About 27% of it was fun, 32% was more stressful than anything I've ever experienced, and 41% was more painful than anything I ever wanted to feel.
Anyway, statistics aside, I have done some more calculating (but mostly just more crying and whining and soul-searching) and decided that I am not going to go to San Francisco right now.
I still really want to, but I actually don't want to be in the same city as Collin, first of all, and second of all, if I'm going to San Francisco, and I want to get into web design, why would I go before I'm adequately trained?
Smarter people than me have been advising me over the past few weeks to consider an alternate route: Instead of running to a place and trying to piece together a life that is better than the one I have now, why not figure out what will make me happy, do that, and then see where that takes me?
So that's what I'm going to do. I'm applying for jobs in Atlanta. I'm just going to figure out how to make a life I love and then let that life unfold of its own accord.
Another decision I made is not to continue with okcupid. I'm tired of being in relationships that derail me and give me something else to worry about, because inevitably I focus all my energies on the relationship and trying to make the other person happy at the cost of ever finding out what it is I want! I wake up every day and go to a dead-end job that I don't like that has a quickly approaching expiration date anyway: I have enough to worry about for one person. I think I'll wait for someone who can support me for a change. Or just do without.
I plan to move this blog to another site and create a new blog about the journey I'm beginning now. This one doesn't have a final destination. There's something exciting and liberating about that.
Peace and blessings,
Charity :-)
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