Day Thirty-?: ?

I just got an email from my mom informing me that despite what she said earlier, she would not be loaning me the money to help cover moving costs to San Francisco. Melodramatic moment: everything I counted on has failed me, and nothing I've worked hard on has come to fruition. I just don't see how this can possibly happen anymore, which really breaks my heart. I need a new start because I literally cannot stay here any longer, nor would I want to. I feel like any number of people are trying to give me "tough love" but at this point I would just like a little compassion and understanding. I feel so discouraged right now. Also, I know Collin is on a date tonight, which does not help at all. I'm supposed to go visit next week but at this point I just can't even think about it. At least I've had no trouble losing weight, although it hasn't been terribly healthy I guess. But I'm saving on food costs: I still eat regularly of course, I just don't have much of an appetite anymore, so I don't eat much.

I wish things weren't so bleak lately, but it is what it is. I feel like my whole life is a deep wound right now, and I'll just have to wait until it heals. And hope it does.